Carl had his total knee replacement 3 weeks ago. He walked into the physical therapy clinic accompanied by his wife, and with his cane in hand. Carl told his therapist that he was working on the backhoe over the weekend and helped out a bit with building fence. His wife wanted to know if it was really okay for Carl to be riding the stationary bike. No one had questions about Carl using the backhoe while on drugs ( I assume he's still on drugs if his wife is driving him to the therapy clinic).
I decide that as cute as Carl is with his wife and their matching outfits, that I don't like him.
Carl's outcome is what I expected from my own surgery. I'm young and driven. I planned on being released for work four weeks after my surgery. Instead I am still fighting to maintain the 70 degrees flexion that I've managed to gain. Carl had 90 degrees before he left the hospital. I had none. Somehow I failed before I even came home from the hospital.
It's looking more and more like I will have to go back for the manipulation under anesthesia. At this point I am both resigned and terrified. I don't want more pain. The pain I'm already in is more than I can handle with much grace or dignity some days. The idea of inflicting more pain is defeating. Worse, the idea of dealing with the nurses in the St. Luke's system is frightening. I simply don't want to do it. I would stomp my foot in defiance but I can't lift my leg to do so.
I don't know what to do. I do the exercises to the best of my abilities, but I know I'm failing. I work on the physical therapy exercises throughout the day and I work on the stationary bike two or more times a day to try and force my knee to bend. I go to physical therapy three times a week. And I'm still not progressing.
More and more often I want to accept that I've ruined my life and then go back to work where at least I am capable of doing something. I sit at home with my ice machine, needy and incapable of running my home. Maybe at work I could focus on something other than the fact that no matter how much I sweat, no matter how much I cry and no matter how much I bleed I am able to do something.
Blood, sweat and tears. That reminds me on Friday I split open a small part of my incision while at physical therapy. At nearly six weeks post-op, I shouldn't have that to worry about. I've been careful to follow all of the directions in caring for my knee replacement and the incision, but that didn't stop it from splitting.
Also on Friday, my leg stopped working altogether. It wouldn't bear weight. I was on my first outing with a friend and my leg simply stopped supporting me and stopped moving properly. Over the weekend, it remained swollen and difficult to move. Even now, four days later, my leg is swollen clear from above my knee to my foot.
So here I am, defeated by a knee replacement that was supposed to make my life better.
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Progress report, Day 36
I've waited a while to post this because I needed time to deal with the information. I had my follow-up appointment on May 9. It was disappointing.
Because my pain and swelling wasn't well controlled, I haven't reached the flexion that I need in order to be released back to work. Instead I've been sent to intensive outpatient physical therapy in order to try and reach the 90-110 degree flexion. This means that I'm at physical therapy three times a week often for over an hour, and I'm working very hard at home on the exercises that build strength and flexion.
This shouldn't have happened. I complained to the doctor's office that my pain wasn't well controlled. The home health nurse and the home health physical therapist complained to the doctor's office that my pain wasn't well controlled. For some reason the doctor's office kept reducing my pain medication instead of finding an option that would help me. There wasn't a day that I didn't begin or end in tears from the pain of this knee replacement. For weeks I've been in agony. I was told that the pain would be less than I was experiencing before the surgery. Unfortunately this isn't true for me and I'm in so much more pain than before.
While the doctor agreed that this situation was bullshit (his word), I can't help but wonder why his nurses were allowed to continually reduce medication when the home health nurses, therapists, and I all called to report that I was suffering.
Its hard to remain confident in my doctor when I've been allowed to suffer so much for so long without reason. Even though he did give me a new medication with the instructions to take it right before physical therapy and when I exercise.
If I don't reach the 90-110 degree flexion by May 30, I'll be sent for a manipulation under anesthesia. this is where the doctor will put me under and then manipulate the leg until the scar tissue is stretched and broken and the leg can bend. The dangers include a broken leg.
This lack of progress is incredibly disappointing. The work that I've put into this knee through the years so far has contributed nothing to my recovery. I work to the point of nauseating agony every day only to be told its not enough. So far I've only achieved 70 degrees flexion.
Time is running out and I'm not sure how confident I am in my doctor if I do have to have a manipulation under anesthesia.
Because my pain and swelling wasn't well controlled, I haven't reached the flexion that I need in order to be released back to work. Instead I've been sent to intensive outpatient physical therapy in order to try and reach the 90-110 degree flexion. This means that I'm at physical therapy three times a week often for over an hour, and I'm working very hard at home on the exercises that build strength and flexion.
This shouldn't have happened. I complained to the doctor's office that my pain wasn't well controlled. The home health nurse and the home health physical therapist complained to the doctor's office that my pain wasn't well controlled. For some reason the doctor's office kept reducing my pain medication instead of finding an option that would help me. There wasn't a day that I didn't begin or end in tears from the pain of this knee replacement. For weeks I've been in agony. I was told that the pain would be less than I was experiencing before the surgery. Unfortunately this isn't true for me and I'm in so much more pain than before.
While the doctor agreed that this situation was bullshit (his word), I can't help but wonder why his nurses were allowed to continually reduce medication when the home health nurses, therapists, and I all called to report that I was suffering.
Its hard to remain confident in my doctor when I've been allowed to suffer so much for so long without reason. Even though he did give me a new medication with the instructions to take it right before physical therapy and when I exercise.
If I don't reach the 90-110 degree flexion by May 30, I'll be sent for a manipulation under anesthesia. this is where the doctor will put me under and then manipulate the leg until the scar tissue is stretched and broken and the leg can bend. The dangers include a broken leg.
This lack of progress is incredibly disappointing. The work that I've put into this knee through the years so far has contributed nothing to my recovery. I work to the point of nauseating agony every day only to be told its not enough. So far I've only achieved 70 degrees flexion.
Time is running out and I'm not sure how confident I am in my doctor if I do have to have a manipulation under anesthesia.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Sweetness
Through all of the struggling with this knee replacement I have to point out that I've had amazing support from my husband.
There is sweetness as he helps me get to bed at night, setting up my ice cooler, helping me place my leg on the pile of pillows, making sure my cup is full of cold water, tucking in the tea towels and iceman pad on my knee, arranging my blankets in that particular way that I need in order to sleep, and setting up quiet music on a timer so I can fall asleep. He then waits another hour after I go to bed to make sure I'm asleep before he comes to bed. Or he sleeps on the sofa when he's worried about causing me more pain or waking me.
In the middle of his night his alarm rings and he gets up to give me my 3 a.m. medication. On weekdays he'll get up again at 6 to get our oldest out the door for school. Then his alarm goes off again at 9 to get me up for my morning medication. He makes sure that I'm taken care of and helps with those little things that make getting ready for the day so much easier. If I had to wander around the bedroom trying to figure out which teeshirt I wanted, I'd waste a lot of energy. He makes sure that throughout the day I have my medication and anything else I need.
In addition to all of this personal care, he makes sure the family runs as it should. He lines out the kids with their chores and schoolwork, and makes sure they get it done. He keeps the house clean, the family under control, plans meals and does the shopping.
He makes sure that he spends time with each kid here and there, and checks in on everyone to keep track of how they are doing.
In all of this taking care of us, he works from home, occasionally going to the office in order to take care of business. He's trying to plan for the next months in the field while taking care of everything else.
He makes it all look effortless. I know he's tired, and often worn out by taking care of me and doing all of the work that we'd usually split up. But he doesn't complain. He simply moves to his next task and takes care of whatever needs to be taken care of.
Having a husband who makes sure that I don't have to worry about anything is a blessing.
There is sweetness as he helps me get to bed at night, setting up my ice cooler, helping me place my leg on the pile of pillows, making sure my cup is full of cold water, tucking in the tea towels and iceman pad on my knee, arranging my blankets in that particular way that I need in order to sleep, and setting up quiet music on a timer so I can fall asleep. He then waits another hour after I go to bed to make sure I'm asleep before he comes to bed. Or he sleeps on the sofa when he's worried about causing me more pain or waking me.
In the middle of his night his alarm rings and he gets up to give me my 3 a.m. medication. On weekdays he'll get up again at 6 to get our oldest out the door for school. Then his alarm goes off again at 9 to get me up for my morning medication. He makes sure that I'm taken care of and helps with those little things that make getting ready for the day so much easier. If I had to wander around the bedroom trying to figure out which teeshirt I wanted, I'd waste a lot of energy. He makes sure that throughout the day I have my medication and anything else I need.
In addition to all of this personal care, he makes sure the family runs as it should. He lines out the kids with their chores and schoolwork, and makes sure they get it done. He keeps the house clean, the family under control, plans meals and does the shopping.
He makes sure that he spends time with each kid here and there, and checks in on everyone to keep track of how they are doing.
In all of this taking care of us, he works from home, occasionally going to the office in order to take care of business. He's trying to plan for the next months in the field while taking care of everything else.
He makes it all look effortless. I know he's tired, and often worn out by taking care of me and doing all of the work that we'd usually split up. But he doesn't complain. He simply moves to his next task and takes care of whatever needs to be taken care of.
Having a husband who makes sure that I don't have to worry about anything is a blessing.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Day 22
I'll be honest, I really want to write an upbeat progress report. But I can't. It's why I've put off blogging the past few days.
Over the last 22 days I've really struggled with pain control and with gaining flexibility in the new knee. Its been just over the past two days that I've started to see an improvement in the pain control, but the improvement may be too late for the flexibility in the knee.
I do feel like the stiffness and pain I have now is equivalent to the months following my injury in 2015. I'm choosing to see that as an improvement. I've been here before, I know I can live from this point on, whether or not its a great quality of life. Its not what I hoped for, but it may be what I get out of this.
The physical therapist is worried that since I did not get to the 90 degree flexion by two weeks that I won't get there and I'll end up with more problems than I had going into the surgery. Because I didn't meet that milestone, he fears I'll need additional surgery to break up the scar tissue that has formed.
In addition to this, I am walking better with a walking stick and weaning off the walker. I still use the walker when my knee is super sore or when I might be unsteady (waking up or after exercises). This too was supposed to be a milestone that was met at the end of week two.
So there we have it. Its not the best of progress reports, but its where I'm at.
Over the last 22 days I've really struggled with pain control and with gaining flexibility in the new knee. Its been just over the past two days that I've started to see an improvement in the pain control, but the improvement may be too late for the flexibility in the knee.
I do feel like the stiffness and pain I have now is equivalent to the months following my injury in 2015. I'm choosing to see that as an improvement. I've been here before, I know I can live from this point on, whether or not its a great quality of life. Its not what I hoped for, but it may be what I get out of this.
The physical therapist is worried that since I did not get to the 90 degree flexion by two weeks that I won't get there and I'll end up with more problems than I had going into the surgery. Because I didn't meet that milestone, he fears I'll need additional surgery to break up the scar tissue that has formed.
In addition to this, I am walking better with a walking stick and weaning off the walker. I still use the walker when my knee is super sore or when I might be unsteady (waking up or after exercises). This too was supposed to be a milestone that was met at the end of week two.
So there we have it. Its not the best of progress reports, but its where I'm at.
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