Day 13 post-op

Its been 13 days since I had my total knee replacement surgery. Here is how this is working out:

On April 10 I reported to the hospital at 7 a.m., which is too early for a person like me. I went into surgery around 10:15 and I don't know when I got out.

Surgery was a little different than I expected. In the past, for the arthroscopic procedures, I was put under with general anesthesia. With the knee replacement I was given a nerve block in my left thigh followed by a sedative. Once in the operating room I was given a spinal. Considering that I refused the spinal when I gave birth, that was a new experience for me. I wasn't prepared for the side effects of the spinal or how long they would last.

From what Dan said, the surgery went fine. The doctor did have to change the size of the prosthetics in the middle of the surgery. I'm wondering if the extra steps involved in changing that has contributed to my pain. If you've watched any videos of total knee replacement surgery then you know its pretty violent. If extra work had to be done, I can't imagine it made it any less painful.

As promised, it wasn't long after I was in a room before I was up and using the restroom. Here's where that spinal was annoying. It affected how I used the restroom for quite a while post surgery. Having to think about which muscles I needed and how much time I needed to plan in order to get to the restroom threw me off.

I only spent one night in the hospital and it was a rough one. I was pretty miserable with pain that wasn't well-controlled, nurses not listening when I asked to use the restroom and my regular medications being messed up. When the doctor offered to get me out of the hospital the day after surgery, I wasn't going to say no unless Dan had reservations. The hospital sent me home with plans for a St. Luke's home health nurse and physical therapist to visit.

It is a lot easier for me at home with my own corp of helpers. I think Dan has lost the most sleep since he's the one taking care of everything from getting me up and around, running errands, medication timing, keeping my ice machine running, making sure that the family is taken care of -- plus all of the regular household and homeschooling oversight.

The hospital expects you to have another adult with you at all times during the first two weeks after surgery but its nearly impossible unless you have extra support for that adult too. The second day home, Dan had to call a friend to babysit me while he took Becky to a doctor's appointment. For the most part, he's relied on our kids to make sure I'm ok when he needs to leave the house.

Physical therapy has been the hardest part of the general recovery. I have good days when I feel like I'm making real progress, but then I have days where I'm absolutely miserable. I've gotten to 70 degree flexion so far, but the aftermath of pushing that hard is pretty discouraging.

As for pain management, we strictly followed the doctor's orders which has gotten us into a weird position. The doctor told us to make sure I was taking two pain pills every four hours for the first week after leaving the hospital. When Dan told the surgeon's office triage nurse that we'd run out on a Sunday and asked for a prescription he could drop off and have filled on that Sunday, she told him that I wasn't supposed to be taking the two pain pills that frequently, and that the doctor didn't prescribe them that way (the prescription bottle said what the doctor told us, not what the nurse said). Later, when I called to ask the office triage nurse if I could add acetaminophen to the now reduced Norco prescription in order to get a better grip on the pain, I was told that she'd have to talk to the doctor. When the doctor's actual nurse called me back she seemed to think I had been asking for a higher dose of Norco instead of a higher dose of Tylenol. She was surprised when I explained that with the lower dose of Norco I wanted to add more Tylenol in order to get a better handle on the pain, and that I had never said I wanted more of the narcotics.

Looking forward to the rest of this week: I have physical therapy Tuesday and Thursday. Wednesday, I will have the home health nurse here to remove my giant band-aid, staples and sutures. The hope is that with the removal of the staples and band-aid, I'll be able to gain more function in my new knee.

Day 1,010

Everything hinges on this surgery.

I'm not ready. With my husband having work trips scattered over the last six weeks, we didn't get everything done. The groceries are still not bought, the house not clean, the kids aren't ready. The equipment we should have bought haven't been made. I don't know what to do.

People say they feel everything is going to be just fine, but they aren't on this side of the situation. They don't hear the frustration of my younger children who always have to try so hard and do so much, vent about the oldest taking advantage of them. The people who think everything is going to be ok, don't worry that I won't get to come home if my house isn't ready. We're back to platitudes that offer nothing but thoughts and prayers.

So I sit here knowing that my family is just not ready for this.

This morning's first text was asking for accountability on why the newspaper was wrong. It was an oversight of many people, but I should have caught the problem. If I had been the first, second, third or fourth person to see the problem, I would have caught it. But I trusted someone who said she had it under control. People don't see the multitude of little things that just get done, because I do them.

So I sit here knowing that my work is just not ready for this.

Everything hinges on this surgery.

I'm not ready. I can't imagine a future where I continue to exist only in a very small circle, disabled and miserable. I don't want to consider not being able to enjoy my life. I imagine that I'll be back to walking my dogs, fishing with my kids and riding my bike. I imagine a life where I'll once again enjoy cooking in my kitchen. I imagine a life of standing in the back yard watching the stars in the middle of the night with my husband.

There is so much at stake.

Its easy for those who say "just ask if you need help," because they don't have to commit to helping. Because overwhelmed people never know how to ask for help. Because people who are scared and anxious can't even find the words to say everything is falling apart and we haven't even gotten to the hard part yet.