'Life is pain...

Anyone who tells you any different is selling something."

Right now, life is pain. I'm struggling to keep up with everything as we get closer to the day I go into surgery. And while there is mental anguish that comes with making a decision to have a major surgery that promises to be painful and have a long recovery; right now I'm struggling with the physical pain of trying to offset my injury-induced scoliosis. My back from top to bottom is bruised from physical therapy and the 45 minutes of stretching and manipulation I endured today.

The therapist is trying to reduce the muscles that have spasmed and knotted into tender, fist-size bumps on my back. These muscles have pulled my spine to the left and have to be fixed before my surgery. She uses tools to press into the muscles to smooth them out as much as possible. I come out of each session in more pain than I went in. The goal is to go into surgery without these muscles spasmed into giant knots. The goal is to come out of surgery ready to relearn how to walk, stand and live.

This is the pain -- these days of pedaling an exercise bicycle, the physical therapy exercises, the recovery from each session, the building up so I don't waste this opportunity. I would rather skip all of it. But I know better. I know that there is a possibility that I won't have all of this pain forever. There is a chance that my life won't be pain.