When I was stronger

Sometimes memories start with "when I was younger..." but most of the time for me, they start with "when I was stronger..."

When I was stronger I used to rearrange the bedroom on a whim, even though the logs for the king size log bed weigh 200 - 300 pounds each. I would move them, swearing and struggling and then reassemble the bed where I wanted it. If I decided I didn't like it, I would take it apart and move it somewhere else. I did this often to clean under the bed, or because I wanted to surprise my husband when he got home from a work trip.

When I was stronger I had no problem wearing a toddler in a backpack, a baby in a front pack and pulling a preschooler on a sled while I snowshoe'd down the lane. Staying inside seemed impractical even if we had four feet of snow when we lived at the base of the Ruby Mountains in Nevada.

When I was stronger I would take the kids for a hike and end up rotating through each kid with piggyback rides when they wore out long before I was ready to call it a day. It was worth it to show them the next horizon.

It never occurred to me that I wouldn't always be strong and capable. The past few years have humbled me in ways I never knew I was proud. I'll never be as young as I used to be. I can't turn back the hands of time.

But now, I listen to my son who has taken an interest in the things I've always loved. I want him to explore the world and learn about the peace and life that exists in the deserts, forests and plains around us. I want to take him fishing and camping and to learn to laugh at the very misery that makes a bad trip into a good story.

As a kid I roamed the woods and fields. I spent countless time fishing the Clearwater River system and later the streams and lakes of Eastern Oregon, North Idaho and Northeast Nevada. I spent countless miles on my bike exploring country roads. When I was stronger, I had a world to explore.

Sometimes he says, "When your knee is stronger..."

"When your knee is stronger can we go camping more?"

"When your knee is stronger, can you teach me how to fly-fish?"

"Mom, when your knee is stronger, will you ride bikes with me?"

When I am stronger, I will.